Sunday.

I walk into that hospital, so quiet.

I keep walking towards my grandfathers room, hopeing and praying an emptieness fills me.

I get to the room and glance over,

A doctors voice in the distance asks "are you looking for the man from that room"

i slowly grasp some air and said yeah do you know where i could find him?

The doctor said he's up in the ICU. And gave me directions on where do go, she had a tone in her voice that left me there in fear.



I walk back towards that elevator feeling like theres something missing. I keep walking up to the next floor inwhich the ICU is at, as i walk by the front desk another voice hits me and says are you lost ? do you need me to show you where to go? Right there hit me, i am lost, i don't know where to go, not only to find my grandfather but in life general.

As she points to the room he is in so settle, she tells me my grandmother awaits in there by his side, i join them .



I sat in the hospital , so quiet. My grandmother stareing around the room, holding onto my grampa not having the strength to let go. I glance over at my grampa laying there so gentle but yet fear fills the room, i am trying to make sense of it all, our throats feel like the ocean filling up with water, splashing arouns as if waves were riding up and down our throats, makeing it difficult to breath, makeing us choke, unable to say words but feels so empty inside.

Minutes turn to hours as we sit and pray,
a body in the hospital bed so settle as he lays.

nothing will change the love we have for him,
and the love he has for us, as each day goes on we continue to pray. . .

Everything will be okay .
<3

Each Day We Die A Little Inside. .

Every day we face different challenges, challenges inwhich sometimes can never be changed.
challenges that we never want to be face to face with again.
challenges that make you lose faith.
challenges that leave you settle, lost beneath your pain.
everything now seems so unsafe. .

People suffer and people struggle.
some people have it all ,
& others are at the edge begining to fall;

some people find it hard to understand why people are taken away ;
why people lie,
why people are fake,
why people are affraid of their own reality ,
why people are affraid of themselves,
and most of all why are people affraid of their own feelings. .

you can't love if you're affraid to feel,
you can't have faith if you're affraid of you're self,
&you just can't live if you're affraid of reality.

Reality is that each day each one of us dies a little inside.
losing faith losing pride. we're all dieing ;

every night we go to sleep is a day that we can never get back.
Every morning we wake up is another day that's going to pass by so quickly and at the end of that day we won't have it back again. We wont be able to take back the things we may have done.

We have to hold on to the moments we have right now, because things come and they go.
Life comes & it goes. We will never know what tomorrow may bring. We can only hope for another ; Even though we lose a piece of us each day we have to learn to carry on.

Love hurts.
Feelings are disturbing.
People are taught that pain is evil and dangerous.
Pain is meant to wake us up.
People try to hide their pain.
But they're wrong. Pain is something to carry Something to expierience.
Pain is a feeling.
Your feelings are a part of you.
Your own reality.
If you feel ashamed of them, and hide them, you're letting other things destroy your reality.

Make the best out of the reality you are living, because things change so quickly and things get taken away and soon there is no tomorrow. Love what you have, Love what you're living, Love the people you have. Don't take where you are & who you are with forgranted because you'll never know when those moments and those people may change. You'll never know when they will be gone .

You are only one person, there are millions out there whether there happy, sad, angry, hideing, or dieing you're only one. And Your One out of many who are feeling the exact same way.

Everyone is happy,
Everyone is sad,
Everyone is agngry,
Everyone is hideing
and through this all,

everyone is dieing a little inside each day. . .

THUNDER & LIGHTNING HIT THE EARTH.

Oh the sky light dims,

the dark comes out leaving you with fear & doubt.

The sun hides away,

leaving you empty minded waiting for another day ;

comeing and going, which ever way the thunder hits, the lightning strikes.

matches all around are soon lit,

gravity soon works against you,

it wants to bring you down,

but hold on to the things you know are true,

erase that sound your ears can't get enough of,

because the lightning & thunder comeing from above

won't last forever, it will come & go.

beneath the lightning and thunder beauty will show,

fear will overcome,

but it will always go. .

Thunderstorms come, the lit night sky fades to grey,

everyone holds strength as they lay.

lightning hits the ground, leaving a lingering sound ; not knowing when it will end,

beneath the sound, beneath the fear,

is something so beautiful but yet not found.

leaving some of us in a peaceful tear. .

even though your left in chaos and the sound is so loud and obnoxious,

underneath is a peace that we always run from. We always hide but yet chaos and fear will always be our friend. . we can't run from the things that will never dissapear. .

Take Off. .

As we abord the plane, and find our seats we remember what were leaving behind;

we sit down & soon realize what we're out to find. .

The plane takes off ,
The voice speeks " please be seated and fasten seatbelts for take off " you suddenly sit there in settle thought.

as the plane begins to move at a settle pace,

you begin to picture in your mind a beautiful face,

the one you are now leaving behind.

The plane now leaves the gravel lane,

leaving your past, leaving your pain.

leaving every regret, even the things you thought you'd never forget.

As the clouds fly bye you, you feel as if no harm can touch you, as if for a split second you may be safe.. That doesn't last long . .

Now you feel it comeing back again, you feel the turbulence in your life come rushing in, the storm is just set out into that lonely sky, waiting for it to stare right between your lost eyes.

The confusion comes in, it's like a strong felt wind.

you sit in your seat, affraid to move, affraid to see.

Eyes closeing gently as the turbulence sets on in, not knowing what to believe. .

That safe okay feeling is fadeing like the sunset. . so quickly'

You fasten that seatbelt,

wishing fear was never felt. .

10 minutes goes by, the shakeing, the sound, could not profound.

the fear inwhich is all around .

Nothing can stop this, only time.

& What Happens Next. .

At last begin to loosen.

Far from the exchange of love to lie

Unreachable insided a room

The traffic parts to let go by

Brings closer what is left to come

And dulls to distance all we are. .

-

I see an ambulence rush by,

I hold my breath and only sigh

wondering how much time they have ?

wondering how many hearts are bound to break hearing the news they cannot take. .

the images that go through their head over & over again

wanting something to take away from this moment ,

anything but "then" .

I can't imagine the pain they feel, the pain they engage as they hear that doctor say ,

"we never thought it could end this way" . .

cant imagine the hope they have now lost, the dreams that boy cannot persue,

all the hearts that only break,

& that one heart thats left in shame as he lived but lost a friend.

He couldn't save,

and now they have to lay him down into that grave.

feeling destroyed hope, feeling broken hearts.

sorrys dont make a difference when reality hits. .

That drunken driver on the road,

killed an innocent soul who deserves way more,

why couldn't he of known the hurt he may cause as he leaves that bar with nothing but a drunken mind, not noticing the other people on the road, not noticing anything around '

everything in his eyes is spinning and only surrounds.

Leaving him sliding into a car

not makeing it far until he realized what pain he has caused.

Windows shattered, lights slowly fadeing as he falls asleep ;

thinking nothing ever could be oh so deep,

but the love of a family in fear of an uncertian hurt

not knowing if he can be saved .

I see an ambulence rush by,

I hold my breath and only sigh,

Wondering how much time they have?

Wondering how many hearts are bound to break hearing the news they cannot take. .

The images that go through their head, over & over again,

Wanting something to take away from this moment

anything but "then".

I feel b a d for the guy who caused this all,

i feel bad for the guy who is going to fall.

He has nothing to say all his shame is slowly takeing over . .

knowing this end is somthing you never want to see .

& knowing this end is somthing you never want to believe nor feel .