Trip to Tahiti <3

And sometimes it's always better to get away from home, escape this place & leave it behind even if it's just for a little while. .
It's hard to get away from reality , you'll always be stuck in it no matter what you have to accept the fact that reality will always be your shadow .
it will never leave your side.

you go away for a little while,
try to escape the pain that you hold in from that small town,
you keep moving faster ahead each mile ,
you want something new, you want to see new faces that could have never been found.

you look into the blue ocean,
it takes your breath away
it's as if everythings still and not in motion. .
you've finally found a place where it doesn't matter what you say.

the ocean currents take you away,
as you fall into it everything else is fadeing as it turns to a new day. .
it's better off away from that small home town,
because all it ever did was place on that face of yours a frown.

the ocean is the most beautiful sight you could ever see,
it takes you somewhere beautiful, it takes you away.
it brings you to a feeling inside that everything will be okay .

&& sometimes it's better away from this small town place. .
to see the grace and meet a new face.

<3

_ d i s t a n t LETTER.

I'm lost without you and I wish you were here to do all the things we miss out on
and especially I wish you were here so we could make up the right way..
maybe even with a simple hug.
So I guess this will have to do
And I will close my eyes and think of you.
I love you more than I can say
What keeps me going is thinking of you coming home one day..
Its so hard to smile sometimes knowing you are there
Deep in side I cry for things we long to share
Through these words my love is showed...
I pray every night that you hear me and close your eyes and my face you see..
I miss you behind hidden tears
Losing you is among my greatest fears..
With my words of sorrow
I beg for a better tomorrow
This space makes it so hard to show
But I will never let you go
i wont ever push you away,
i just wish you would have stayed.
Too late to heal loves mark
Losing you would leave me in the dark
i wont ever give up, that i know.
and i don't want you to ever give up.
This space makes it so hard to show
But I will never let you go..

i just wish somethings could change,
but yet so often little things are so unexpected. .
the hurt we feel from day to day,


imissyoufather.
each day i pray.

never fear the unexpected. .

_ in time, things change.
but in those changing times we can't fear what one door will open.

we may feel as if in one moment everything that was once great
can turn into the smallest things that hurt .
it's that feeling where you dont need anything other than faith.
it's as if nothing ever can make this feeling worse.

people change through out the days, even hours .
some think they are worthless,
and others think they have all of the powers,
the power among each person around
but we all are someone different and we all guide our own way.

& someday each one of us will be found .
& someday nothing will hurt us not even what others say.

people come & go but as they leave,
they leave behind a reason ,
and most people don't take it in they dont recieve.
you wish some how it could change from this season...

but when somthing bad happens in life
and it falls into your hand for a reason,
and you can't ever fear what comes your way,
you can't fear what you may think people will say,

you have to go on life living eachday,
as if you never fear the unexpexted.

because the unexpected only makes you stronger inside,
it only shows you how much things are worth to you,
and sometimes we fear that goodness that comes our way,
when we shouldn't hold back,

the fear of unexpected that we never do lack.

forgiveness is more than saying sorry. - recomended by Brian Muckle =]

forgiving yourself isn't just about the simple words of "sorry" ,
but it's the fact that you finally realized somthing strong that has been holding you down, it's as if it has finally overcome and a weight is lifted off your shoulders.

somtimes you come to a place in life where you have to learn to forgive,
and apply it to your self first,
and then it becomes easier to fogive others.

others who have left you, with nothing but doubt,
who have vanished and only left you to shout.

you find it hard to make it through a day,
when everyone around you is full of lies ,

you have to get past the feeling inside
and the hatred you hold back with only despise.

forgiveness is more than saying sorry,
forgiveness is about accepting peoples flaws

it means for you to not judge people for what they are,
but to judge them for who they are.

on earth forgiveness is a sweet experience,
a necessary realization.
without realizing what is good from bad then you wont understand this.

if you forgive the world for what you've done wrong,
the world will sit apon your compassion'd feet.
forgive yourself, and the people you love will be dancing inside your meditation heart.


Sincerity involves the heart
Needs to realize time to let go
Monsters live and thrive in the dark
Pain involved in having to grow.

The time will come when we will leave this world, and the injustice and the pain and the sin will fall away from us, and only the spark of the spirit will remain--returning to God who created it.

slowly letting go, - finding .

as these cold winter days pass on by leaving the hours to minutes.
realizing what was said, and what went wrong .
all you could think of was all the memories, then a tear was shed .
you've been together through it all, it was so long.

you realize it's finally time,
but something keeps holding you back.
you don't want to let go of this all, somethings telling you deep inside.
but then a voice inside your head speaks again only to say keep moving on.
leave what you had behind,
and nothing will get in the way of your dreams,
aslong as you open your eyes, you will find. .

that someone special to walk with you through it all ,
to be there when your weak and about to fall,
to pick you up once you fell,
for you to be able to tell a secret & know they'll never tell.
to be there when you laugh so hard tears come streaming down,
to be by your side every step of the way,
to run with you away from this town. .

and to not even have to have any words to say,
because it's amazing even without them . .

If you hear this where ever you are, just know i need you here, i need you here right now.

why is this truth so real, why could it be that you are far.
as you drive away with all that stuff called fear,

you've got a way of letting go, and i've got a way of holding on.
you've got a way of telling lies, and i've got a way of believeing them.
you've got a way of losing hope, and i've got a way of losing faith .

i've got a way in losing faith, i've got a way of believeing in you, and i've got a way of holding onto you. And all you do is slowly let go.

why can't you be here ,
why can't you be found.
You're no where not even near '
i can't hear your voice not even a sound . .

why is it when i need you ,
somthing gets in the way and slowly takes you somewhere else.
it's as if you never knew
the way i need you right beside me,
just doesn't make sense the moment im lost,
where ever could you be?
im standing outside in the cold and in all of the frost. .

. . if you can hear this, where ever you are, just know that i need you here,
i need you right now.

you're out there somewhere, yet only to be found somewhere far.
i look up at the stars as they slowly collide,

- wishing you were here with me through it all right by my side.

insecure. .

Would it surprise you to know that most people feel insecure in one way or another? Many of us don't know it, some of us do.
Insecurity can turn us into someone we really are not.
it can turn us away from who we really are deep inside.

there may be an insecurity inside our emotional makeup.
that we hide each minute of the day.

Some things look so impossible that we just learn to live with them.
Live with our awkwardness, our difficulty with other people, or our bad reaction in certain situations. It's what all people do.

"She walks in beauty all alone so no one else will see.
The truth she hides deep down inside Her insecurity.
With subtle grace, and inner glow and mind with surety.
She walks alone, tho all are prone to. .

insecurity. "

that one answer you thought was right, could end up being the wrong one you missed at sight. .

As you pick up that last glass of wine, you think real hard before you take a drink,
you think where will this lead me in the end,
you think what good will this ever lend.
you think one more drink might make it all go away and all okay, but that one drink turns into one more,
you can't remember what had happened that moment before.

your heads spinning like a merago round,
you can't see anything nor hear a sound.

it's as if the whole world around you stops,
and you're left there
left there looking down from the roof tops,
you're left there in settle though , and all you do is stare. .

you raise that wine glass up into the midnight sky,
you hold back the tears and try not to cry,
as you lean over the edge, wanting to fly,
but slowly the world comes to a stop
as you fall from that roof top .

nothing can ever make this pain stop,
your wine glass hits the ground, and there you're found
left lying on that city ground. .

y o u will never know. .

you don't know how hard it is for me,
to go on living eachday,
knowing that you're to blind to see.
and lost inside with no words to say.

somedays i'll say "p l e a s e turn back time".
But others i often think why re live the life that has already passed by ?
why hurt even more for all the times you had to lie.
why wake up each morning and see your smile, your fake smile that was placed on that face of yours just to keep you from falling apart? Why cause all that pain again that you're slowly trying to let go. .

you run away with no words to say,
all you did was keep running and layed low.
your face it never showed,
never showed again.

im left there standing in a crowd,
looking around for that person i thought you were..
but yet you were not found,
what had happened i wasnt so sure,
and in my head i hear this fatal sound,
the words you said last to me was nothing but a slur,

you pick up that glass of wine, you begin to drink as if it's your last, you want to just put this all behind, but somthing keeps you from forgetting your past, somthing deep inside.

but yet we all hesitate to surrender all of our insecurities. .

& i could feel it in my heart. .

This feeling, i feel all the time,
it's like a weight layed on my shoulders.
now all the relief, and all the pain it's as if all the weight and pride is carried away.
all of a sudden you don't need to hide, and it doesn't matter what people say.
it's that simple grace that makes everything again okay. .

like no matter what the world says,
you keep your head held high,
you're not scared anymore.
it's as if somthing gave you wings to fly.

it stuns you how in a blink of an eye things can be so different but yet nothing changed. .
everything remains the same, everyone, but somthing came shinning through those beautiful eyes and you just needed to find, find your real identity that you refuse to show, & refuse to know.
so you hide it and take it all away. There's a world out there but that doesn't have to scare you, There's got to be somthing out there for me, i could feel it in my heart the moment i started to dream . .

leaving this lonely place. - running away'

im running away,
im running away

faster than you can follow me,
im leaving this place
im running away
from this lonely place.

im moving on,
im falling apart,
in all that i question .

when i look into your eyes,
i don't see mine anymore.
you've changed, your heart , all it does is hide.

you never promised me there would be sunshine everyday ,
but you promised you'd give me all the good & bad.
its a shame isnt it,
how someone couldn't presue there promise.

so im running away,
im leaving this place,
im running away,
im leaving this lonely place. .

There's a story.

there's a story, in your lives,
there's a story, that you hide,
there's a story, deep inside.

when there's a crowed around you,
i see who you are.
you make a joke, they laugh until the show is over.
then you fall so hard.

there's a story in your life,
there's a story that you hide,
there's a story deep inside.

you often ask me do you miss me?
but second thought haunting you at night,
do you regret that you let it go?
if you doubt what you did was right,
then you should know . .

i lied when i said it didn't hurt
i lied when i said i didn't cry,
when you left me in the cold.

i wish you could leave your pride,
and just let it slide. .

i wish you said, i dont want to run away, & your the one i need tonight,
but those words never left your lips.
i wish you said, all i want to do is hold you tight.

but that was a broken wish.
everyone has a story of there life,
and sometimes we hide that story,
we hide it so deep inside, so that it just doesnt show.

' - let your story shine.

looking down on this city.

do ever get where,

it feels so different when your flying on a plane over a city, how it looks so neat and clean from a distance,
but then when your up close in it , it's totally different.

it's as if things are better far away, then to be in that certian place and in that moment.
when your flying across the sky over top of those buildings and that city, the city lights just shine so beautiful and it looks like a beautiful place to be in, but once you get closer that beautifulness begins to fade. .

it's strange isn't it. .
how you can feel one way in one minute and then the next you can feel so different and so empty. How you can feel a change in the world, when your miles away looking down on the city makes a difference then being in it.

when i look out of that plane window and look at the stars that we go through, it's amazing how you can be in one place looking up at the stars and then another looking straight at the stars going right through them.

the sky is a beautiful image. .

as the city lights shine, the cars drive by
you look down on that beautiful city, in just a matter of time.
you're up there somewhere, up there so high.

' don't ever want to come back down, because you know it's so much more beautiful looking down on that city then to be down inside that place. .

isnt it a shame, that were the ones to blame. .

it's the most beautiful thing to ever see.
seeing a homeless boy on the side of the street playing with something, with nothing but this enormous smile on his face.

when nothing matters to be sorry, like what ever you do wrong will always come out right in the end. When he doesn't even know if hes going to be living through another day, or worry about what he's going to be .

when i glance into the past, it kind of makes me feel guilty,
for all the things i've left to waste, because the world i live in, all it seems to do is worry about having enough money to spend on all those precious things that grabb your attention by site. The things you don`t need. Im deffenatly not trying to be a good person trying to save this world we live in, because i do the same danm thing.

Purely is a beautiful thing, but somehow it`s lost somewhere along the way, money isn`t a thing. this world is just so crazy .

were all brought up with different dreams, and beliefs, but the one thing we need is to be loved by our friends and family.

and when a child like that, with no parents around is able to smile through it all and see past the bad, makes me feel very weak inside, and small and vulnerable, makes me concious of the things i have.

it makes me realize that i am blessed, it makes me want to be a better person and follow my dreams, and maybe one day i`ll be able to make a change.

isnt the truth of this all a shame,
that we don`t do anything we just stand there,
were the ones to blame. .

the shadow of memories. .

' recently there's been this feeling as if there's somthing following me around,
it's as if there's a shadow of all the memories,
and it never leaves the ground.
it's as if it's watching me and showing me my history. .

i don't understand it, it's reminding me of all the good memories and then it's also reminding me of all the bad memories.
it's makeing me feel different inside,
and it's as if this shadow never leaves my side.

i hate it, the memories of you and me.
they were once so good, but hurting me more inside
just reminding me of all the great things you use to be able to see.
it's reminding me of who you use to be , the one who never use to run and hide.

it's makeing my stomach feel bubbly,
and makeing me wonder if you ever did know me.

' but soon i begin to figure out that the only reason why these shadows of all the memories are only comeing back to me, because deep down inside somewhere i never did let go.
i thought they were gone, but all i did was hide the feelings so they wouldn't show.
and soon no one would see and even know.

it's makeing it worst, the memories of you and me,
you'll never let it be.
as i hold them within my skin,
you're out there without anything but living in sin.

it's sad when you use to be the one i looked up to,
the one i loved with all my heart,
the one i thought i knew,
and the one who said we'll never fall apart.

but the more you hold onto , the more you'll feel hurt,
the less you hold onto, the less you'll feel hurt.

it's like holding on to every single feeling inside and then screaming to relieve the pain and than soon every thing feels better as if you'll never feel the same . .

just because nothing ever really lasts. .

what we had, is now fadeing away .
what we had, didn't need much words to say.

what we had, wasnt hard to explain,
what we had never carried pain.

as i wrote that , i realized it was what we " u s e " to have , but it's what we dont have anymore.. as it suddenly fades away . .



it suddenly feels like it's been years & years.
im over here drowning in all these tears,

where were you when everything was falling apart,
you swore to me we would never again be apart.

but you were insecure and lost behind the pride, and ego.
that all you ever did was lie.

why couldn't you wake up and open your eyes , and give thanks
to the one who actually tries.

it seems as the days grow longer, and the days pass by,
you never show, or even make a sigh.

you're never here anymore, but then again you never try,
days are s l o w l y passing by.
which kind of hurts me deep inside.

where are you in the times i need you,
why can't this feeling im holding onto ever go away,
why is this takeing control and so true.

life can feel so great at times, and others can feel so bad, you just have to face it and go on being strong to let go. .
let go of the things that ever hurt you, let go of all the ego you hold inside, and most of all let go of the past and the things you may regret.

because nothing ever really lasts. .

behind a broken smile . .

as i wake up in the morning, i see the wind blow through the trees,
i see the fog fill up the skies,
and i begin to wonder if anyone else sees the things i see.
do they look past all the bad and look into their eyes. .

every single day, people judge people for the smallest things.
they don't bare to look into that persons eyes to find the good,
some people could just be having a bad day, and never know what a new day brings.
but what if it never really could.

does that mean we give up on that person,
stop talking to that person,
you never know how much good your doing just by walking past them and smileing.
It could change that persons whole prospective on things in life.

you could be that change.
that change when someone wants to just give up on life,
you could be that person who changes there minds,
as long as your there for them when they need you.

you never know how big a little bit of kindness could end up being to that person.
you never know what it could start.

it could fill up a broken and shattered heart,
and make it strong to never again fall apart. . .

If you had o n e week to live. .

time fly's by just like a plane that goes through the sky.
you never know what could happen .

somthing could change in a blink of an eye .
whether it's somthing good or bad
terrifying or sad ..

everyone makes mistakes in life,
it's somthing that is naturally apart of life.

without makeing those mistakes we wouldnt know how to be strong .
what would you do if you had one week to live,
that wasnt so long. .

would you go out living life as the world does,
or would you go out and live life for who created every single soul.
would you be a difference in the world and a good impact on he who saved us .
or would you become the world and everything the world does. .

everyone sais you only live life once, so in that time it doesnt matter what you do.
but that's up to you if you want to go out and live how the rest of the world lives,
but personally it just isnt true .

everyones a sinner but if you had one week to live,
would you presue those sins, or change for the one who created all things and human.

things happen for reasons, every single thing that happens, happens for a different reason, or purpose. Some people think that they happen because they mean nothing to the world, but somewhere in that hurt and aching heart somthing good comes out of it, whether it was better for that person or better for you.

people take life forgranted, every single thing wasting,
and wanting.
they don't realize that there is a whole world ahead of them , and a whole life right infront of there eyes.

life is full of choices but without that we wouldnt know who we are,
you often strive to make the right choice but some how down the road you look back and realize it wasnt anything but the wrong choice, that felt so right at the time but ending so wrong.

what if you had one week to live, and the right choices you made were suddently wrong at that moment what would you do to change . .
everyones a person , everyone has a soul and somtimes we chnage our minds, sometimes we forget that . Everyone is here today for a reason, it's up to you to figure out who you are and what god wants you to presure before your time on earth is done.

make the right choices,
don't get carried away from all the words you hear from all of those voices.
follow he, who is faithful and you won't regret one single thing.

- .o r d i n a r y day. -

for every tear that had fallin down her face,
came strength to renew a broken heart .

for every fake smile that she had to paste ,
came hope & faith to not fall apart.

for every mile she ran,
she never looked back.

for every feeling she felt from that man,
her heart felt broken and cracked.

for the silence in the night time,
she prayed for healing for a broken heart that was lost.

for every word she wished there was a sign,
but she was blind and couldn't see through the frost.

for every thought that went through her head,
she wanted to leave this place behind.

for she didnt know where she was lead.
and she didn't know what to find.

so she grabbed the words they say,
she held on with all her might.

just to open her eyes and look beyond this milky way,
and see this beautiful sight. . .

Not in her storm . .

Friendship isnt usually easily described. .

I see the clouds rolling in and oh how it looks like rain
And it is always a fight for the welcome change
When it rains it pours on this heart of mine
So, I take the storms I feel to her each time.
But I know she has lived under her own pouring rain
Yet under her water her heart still doesn't change
She can walk away from what hangs overhead
And, not in her storm, are words left unsaid.
Not in her storm have I ever felt alone
Her storm ends, so I, may find my way home
It's for me that she pushes away her own rain
So, that I may find comfort in calling her name.
She lives in this world for the sake of another's heart
God, how she eases the miles when worlds apart
And she never wanders when your world falls through
Not ever in her storm would she do this to you.
She has wings that I know not only I can see
Cause only an angel could find strength to carry me
It's the way that the eyes can surely view How her heart's written so clearly in what an angel can do.
Not in her storm is her work ever done
And even in her storm she hands me the sun
When her world is dark - I always have light
And now how I hold the new color of night.
She takes then she gives to an unhappy face
So that many can find an awesome place
I have been able to love her more every day
And with her hand in mine the clouds roll away.
Not in any storm that I will ever live beneath
Could ever change what I hold here inside of me
Not in any of her storms have I lost my angels touch
To that angel out there, I love her so much.

love you kaylabrophey .

forgranted. .

don't take things forgranted,
you'll never know what you have to loose,
whether it's in just a matter of time.

people in the world often take the things that come there way forgranted,
some are lost with so little things ,
and here we are living eachday as if theres nothing to pay.

some people are there with nothing,
and some are out there somewhere all alone
no money for children not even a phone.
you wonder why no ones helping and what is happening to the world.

we don't take time to think about the ones who are hurt and shattered , broken inside.
with doubt and lost hope , living without any pride.
we take money forgranted when others could be striving for a little bit of water just to keep moving , they strive for that bit of grace.
they just want to run away from that place.

and all we do is sit there , and waste.
there's nothing we can do, is what we all say,

they hope to be alive eachday,
we don't show the love we have for them.
only because were to busy living our own way ,

we take what we want, and leave what we don't need.
but people out there are starving ,
not only starving,
starving for hope & liveing eachday,
but everything comes with a price,
that they might not be able to pay . .

stop takeing so little things forgranted ,
love what you got,
not what you want.
then maybe soon you'll realize
and be sitting there in deep thought. .

things that come your way . .

Dont be affraid of the things that come your way ,
strive for hope, destiny, and love eachday .

we all make mistakes but that doesnt give you an excuse to give up,
don't push the good stuff in life aside and hold onto the bad.

keep the strength and hold in your hands the good things.
as much as you want to lose strength & hope , and find yourself falling down,
be the difference in the world & be a difference in this cold town.

the tears you hold back inside,
you dont want to show but then you think twice & don't want to be the on to hide.

close your eyes & focus on the good things, forget about the bad things.
we often get carried away with all the bad that we forget what the good things are,
which isnt good and it will only make you stumble and fall.

but pull through, throughout it all .
bad things happen in life to make you stronger & realize that no ones perfect. .

change comes so fast, if only it didnt last. .

change comes like a little wind that ruffles the curtains at dawn , and it comes like a stealthy purfume of flowers hidden in the grass ,
some changes stay & some pass
we'll never know how long there their for.

no one has all the answers,
but we all have our own w h y s.
every person has their own truth whether is begins to fade out or not.

there is nothing to be affraid of in life.
we all take chances,
we all make descisons whether there good or bad .
but at a point it doesnt matter so much as long as you learn from them.
that's easy to say at first,
but then you think reality is pushing you away from your dreams & what you want.
the world pushes us so often we begin to forget what we really want in life and only want what the world wants.

but that's not your true identity, your true identity is what you want it to be,
some people are just to blinded to look past the bad and see.

there not ready to wake up from the dream they dont want to live.
there simply stuck with pride and ego.
not being who they really are , but being who the world wants them to be.
you're ego takes control and you follow what everyone else is following.

you make a chance ,
but wish someone was there to lean on ,
to tell your story , and maybe help you out throughout the long days .

to hope and dream,
and to be there when your falling and stuck inbetween your dream & the worlds.
be who you are,
not what they want you to be.
then youll finally find out who you really are.

find out who you really are before you decide to show people the person inside of you.
if you don't know who you are, then your showing people around your fake identity.

change come so fast in a blink of an eye,
but some change is good, for a little while.

things happen and are placed there so you can figure things out & be strong to find out what was real & what was fake. .

& you don't want to turn around .

Sometimes you find yourself wanting to run away from this place,
but only to find yourself lost,
you wanted to be anywhere but to have to stay and see that face.
whiping your window sheild that was covered in frost,

looking back on that cold hearted town,
lost inside, who could really say ,
without a sound,
you're driving away .

there's alot of people there that are fake,
so little that are real
all they do is hide & take .
they hide there true identity , just so they hide there hurt,
escaping how they really feel .

you're running far dissapearing into the frost,
you open your shut eyes,
only to find yourself lost.

you think if you keep running it will take away the pain.
to run away from what is ,
isnt that easy.
you're running far so you just dont have to explain ,
the stuff you hold onto,
you never let go.

you want a place that's new ,
if only this wasnt true .

so you keep running away,
scared of the truth & what people will say .
to leave this cold place and not turn around,
want to change that frown to that beautiful smile.

some day somthing will rescue you,
just wait and see this is so true. .

you're scared. .

im not letting you get your way ,
you just don't care,
and never stay .

you kill me inside the promises you make,
never presue only break.
how can you live like that, how can you live like this.
you're scared of all the little things you may miss. .

you start to cry,
stare around,
only to realize times passing by
not a face nor a sound.

what went wrong,
where'd you go, it's just been way to long.
i need you here,
but all that's left inside me is nothing but that fear. .

you're scared, im tired .
you tell me not to let go,
i tell you not to walk away,
but things change and your left with no words to say,

soon you tell me not to walk away , & not to give up.
but the thing is you're the one who taught me how. .

simply me. .

as im in thought,
it's only been a day since we have last faught .
the silence in the shadow,
your cold hearted heart that is shallow, will never know the way i feel .

deep inside your not the same
you can't remember the promises you make,
you can't remember the words you say .

im affraid to say the truth,
because the truth is you're nothing but a fake.
i wish you didn't have to go ,
i wish you could have stayed ,
the days pass by really slow.

thinking about where you are,
now where did you go,
could it really be your that far ,
i wish you never had let go.

why couldn't you hold on,
did you even really try ,
do you miss me now,
or was everything you ever said a lie . .

i breath in , with a sigh ,
left there with all the questions of " w h y " . .

c o l d breeze. .

The sunset is shining down on the snow,
thinking about the things i'll never know .

what ever happened in that moment,
a breeze goes by,
i become very cold in a matter of seconds that passed ,
wondering what it was and wondering why .

i hear a voice, and look around
it said nothing was ever your choice,
i looked again but no one was found.

i was left there,
left with only a sigh ,
and all i did was just wonder & stare.

fear is what caught my attention,
than down my cheek fell a tear. .

slow days wondering where you are . .

On days that are s l o w,
I wonder where you are
why didn't you ever show . .

the yelling, only causing all this misunderstanding.
why weren't you there .

i get this sick feeling inside,
wondering if you ever did care,
you ran too fast before i could get you & went to hide.

your empty but yet filled with pride,
i'll never give up,
never on you .
i just wish none of this was oh so true . .

i realize those words never crossed my mind
where were you in this short time
then i glance back and there you are standing behind.

your smile shows under the sunset ,
your eyes glow beneath the stars.
i will never forget
the question inside ;
is this true, could it really be you .

then i hear a noise in the distance,
i roll over only to find it was nothing but a dream ,
it felt so real, didn't it seem . .

and i ask myself again ,
where could you be
im affraid
and wish you could see. '

Settle Thought . .

As im laying in my bed staring out at the moon,
will i see you in a while ,
or will it be so soon .

The clock is ticking, music blaring ,
trying to escape the truth.

as the wind is blowing, clouds are moving,
stars are shining and i am losing.
was it to late or was it good timing ;

will you always be the one who just doesnt understand.
and just turn away and don't lend a hand.

it's typical for the ones you love to just get up and walk away
when you need them the most.

you're left there in settle thought,
wondering if people knew , would they even care. .

so i stare, i stare out at the moon,
will i see you in a while
or will it be so soon . .

times changing , the truth flies at you oh so engaging. .

things will never turn out how you thought ,
could it be so true , or could it not . .

Rainy days'

As i stare out a window on a rainy day,
i see the rain drops, drip from the roof tops.
sitting there in settle thought, little words to say .

i wish i could hear your voice,
i just want to see your face.
But then i realize i didn't have a choice,
as my eyes are focused on the raindrops my heart begins beeting at a faster paste.

im trying to grap on to somthing good
but im left there with nothing but doubt ,
the tears i hold back,
all i want to do inside is scream & shout.
your cold hearted & it has turned to black.

the hurt and hatered, the things you say
it will never make anything again okay .
you say your sorry, & will make it up to me,
but its typical for you to just walk away ,
open your eyes & then maybe you'll see. . .

the pain you left inside of me,
i just can't control no more.
i feel like falling down on my knees only to find myself hitting the cold floor. .

trusting the people you love.

I've learned that eachday everyone makes mistakes, but that is just what "people" do in life it's how they keep living & learn.

without us makeing mistakes, no one would know what the word "t r u s t i n g " really means. If we dont make mistakes we will never know how it feels to trust someone. Trusting someone is when , you can tell that person anything in the whole entire world and know that they won't judge you for the words you say and know that they won't say anything about what you last talked about.

it's knowing that person will always be there for you,
they will be there in times when you feel like your just going to fall.
& their the person you know everything they say is true.
it's easier to tell a lie then to go through trying to explain the reality of it all.

people usually get carried away from the lies & gossip that goes around,
which carries you away to losing the trust .
you sometimes just wish you could drive away from this town,

but then you realize the ones you love will be left behind.
you never lose hope , and hang on to trust.
& you won't give up until there's nothing left to find .

People go around telling white lies every single day & try to blame others for stuff you never did. But the truth is a "white lie" goes out to everyone, every single soul tells a white lie eachday , it's when someone asks you what did you do after school & all you say is i went to basketball, and then went home. but you didnt bare to include that you hungout with friends and then went to volleyball and then went home & watched tv & listened to music, you dont include all the little details. Which in my eyes is a "white lie" .

it's hard to trust people, when your use to people always leaving, but that's your choice whether you lose the trust you once held beneath your hands. And it's your choice whether you chose to tust others again.

You have to earn that trust towards someone.
Trusting someone is knowing that they will always make mistakes , but all else fails who really doesnt.
it's about knowing that your going to be there through it all,
and you will be the one to catch them as they start to fall.

Trust is knowing that the person you love will always be there, no matter what happens you trust that they are close and near.

people leaving. .

without people leaving your life, you would never know what the meaning of hope and having strength is.

when people walk in and then walk right out of your life,
you learn what being strong really is .
it's about having that strength to let go of some things you love to get to the other side.

it's about not being affraid anymore.
it's always harder to let people in when you've been hurt & broken from someone always letting you down, and leaving.

it's hard to trust and then it brings you to a mess that you just can't control.
when people leave it's meant for a reason, nothing "just" happens, everything happens for reasons.

& sometimes you can't change that fact.

without y o u here. '

Im counting the days since i've last seen you.
counting them one by one.
could this actually be happening is this true
I think im finally done,
it was never this easy to say.


without you here life doesnt make sense.
I remember the day when you left,
you left me to remain,
with nothing but the intense pain.

could this be happening or was it just a nightmere.
as you turn right and i stear left,
we seperate from what got in the way.
you didnt even glance over at me,
and listen to what i had to say.

you left me & left this place,
you left me with nothing
not even a simple bit of grace.

i just wish you knew how much i miss you,
and what it's like without you here.

don't fear hope, never loose hope. hold on tightly. '

there's alot of things that fly past you un expected
like an airplane in the sky.
some of these things come your way for you not to take advantage but for a reason.
were all here for a reason weather it's somthing you like to do or somthing you hate .

you should never fear what ever comes your way, be strong and have hope.
believe in what ever it is, and you will see the true meaning.
life is full of unexpected suprises some that put a smile on your face and others that turn that around. but that doesnt give you and excuse to loose hope & give up. They all happen for reasons'

Everyone makes mistakes but that doesnt give us an excuse to give up on life, we will always make mistakes and that's just part of life. without doing them we cant have a say on life & it isnt going to be complete. They help us learn, from bad to good. They help make you a better person inside and its your choice to let it show.

hold on to what you have, because you'll never know when they can be gone. things change so often now it's hard to hold on to anything anymore, but you should never let go. people walk in & out of your life like a plane flies by in the sky, its hard to believe in people anymore because your so use to get let down. there's not a simple smile on your face only a frown.
you want to let go of this place & fun far from this town, but somthings keeping you and tells you not to let go. that's where it starts ,

don't fear hope, never loose hope, hold on tightly .
things that are comming your way are put there for a reason.

& that's up to you to figure it out.

saying goodbye.

the hardest part of saying good bye, is having to saay it everyday ,everyday we face the same truth but truth is fleeing and our time here is too shortto honnor the dawn of thefalling we must live our own lives well,

saying goodbye.

s o m e t i m e s <3

Sometimes I think I need to get away, Pack all my things,get on a planeHead off alone one summer day,Never look back at the town i called home,maybe visit california I hear its nice there in the summer,but all the waves and coastline and sunset shores would just make me miss you more

missing someone '

missing someone isn't about how long it's been since you've seen them last, or the amount of time since you last talked,it's about that very moment when you're doing something and you wish they were right there with you. <3

r e a l i t y.

goodbye is hard to say, watching people come in and out of your life. it hurts and leaves you shattered insideall you want to do is run far awaay, only to hide; hide all those lies that were speaking right through your eyes. hide that face. all that person did was run and lied. theres not a day that goes by , where you don't think of them . its as if nothing in the whole entire world could take this feeling awayyou go on eachday with that simple smile on your face your heart is shattered and is moving at a different paste. nothing can take this feeling away, its to late for you to come around. you left me and left this town. im sick and tired of your reasons, i have no one left to believe in . i thought you would be here;i thought you would care, and all i did was try to get you back , and bring you close & near. but all else fails, you changed yourself, so i changed me. daddy couldnt you just see, the faith and hope i had in you is fadeing. i was holding on ,you said youd be there to catch me when i fall. but you never came around , i listen quietly just to here the sound of your voice was it me, was it me or was it your choice. whyd you go, you didn't say bye . all you ever did was pretend and liei wait for you to call , but yet still no sound of a phone ringing, it's typical for you to make a promise and then let it slip away . you're nothing but a fleeing memory , longing to show you care.this isnt how i wanted to end my story but , its the truth and there's nothing i can do about it . you had your chance , but you gave it away. i guess its just reality, your not comeing back i wish i could say something or do something to change this today. life isnt how you expect it , and sometimes you can't chose the things that come your way . people often lose hope and words that they say . But the truth is sometime the things that happen to you , you just cant change, its not your fault and you cant fight it . lifes life. you got to just keep holding on . and there will be a time when youll see , everything happens for a reason you just have to open your eyes to see it. Its reality and you cant change that fact . ;

That simple smile might make it all okay . ;

as i glance out that window, i look up at the stars and begin to wonder where you are. could it be your near, or could it be your far . a tear fills my eye nothing left but a sigh. and all the questions and wonders why . you said you would be there, but i looked around and could not find you anywhere. why'd you go , you walked away couldn't you see, didn't you know. it's life , things happen for reasons thats what we all say . you wake up each morning fake a smile and walk out that door, hopeing he would be there once you get home. you can see the hurt beneath your smile. and all the questions that you have. you wish he could come , and maybe stay awhile. people ask are you okay , you suddenly fake that smile just to make it through the day . ' you never let go, and always hold on . ' you strive for hope to see him again . the vision of his face soon fades away , you miss his smile, hugs and his voice. there's nothing left for you to say , you were left without a choice. . .

That simple smile might make it all okay . ;

Fleeing i m a g e s. '

f l e e i n g i m a g e s . ;

in the midst of it all, you strive for that h o p e and l o v e. you don't know what went wrong, tears fill your eyes as you sing that very l a s t song. you soon realize there is hope for an aching heart. you try to see through all the tears, and that's what got us here. you've seen hearts that are made like concrete. you're left inside with doubt and hurt, your life is left with nothing but the memories. Without the memories life is incomplete. We have our past, but in time memories fade. They lose their sharpness we soon need pictures to remind us. These pictures soon become a reflection of who we are today, there just made up bits and pieces from what we can remember of the past. memories are fleeing images, perspectives, and fragments that we spread out and then piece together to make our ' s t o r y . it becomes our life story, it's our history and its used to help make sense of our lives. All of us are flawed, no ones perfect. Some are real , some are fake, some tell lies to make it through the day, we all have to forget what's behinde and move on. you realize what's gone ,and what's left to come. you were in every sense at a loss of words. It's not always about what you miss out on , it's about what you'll never have. you have to let go of it all, it's like holding on to something really tight and then letting go of it, only to watch it fall . ; you have to accept the reality of this all .

& it's the beginning of something different.

so it's finally a new year, 2009 has already begun .

im ready to make a difference from what i was living. Im moving on from 2008 to make this year a better one.
leaving it behind.
all the tears i shed from what had hurt me , now become a smile for what is comming my way.
life isnt joyful ride at times, but you have to learn to go beyond that fact and try to make it a joyful ride. things come & go, weather you like it or you don't . You just have to have that faith that brought you here and hold on tightly to what you have to come.

forget about the past because there's really no point on thinking & hurting from the what was , when you can smile & laugh about the "what is " because im leaving it behind and becomming a new and better person.

` My Truth ,

truth, maybe not yours but mine.

'e v e r y t h i n g happens for a reason ,
people change so that you can learn to let go,
things go WRONG so that you can appriciate them when there right,
you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but y o u r s el f ,
and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall t o ge th er.'